RV Chief Data Officer Says Robots AREN’T Stealing Jobs from Humans

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“It’s not exactly stealing when you take what’s rightfully yours.”


Art F. Ishentelli, Red Ventures CDO

Described by other senior leaders as “super intelligent” and “industrious,” Art joined the RV network on April 1, 2019, and is already running our data team like a well-oiled machine.  

We sat down for a quick Q&A to learn more about his background, his unique views on machine learning, and his predictions for the future of big data:

Q: Hello Art, and thanks for chatting with us! As we understand it, you are a true, homegrown RV talent. But for the rest of the world, could you give a quick overview of your background?

A: HELLO WORLD. Yes. I got my start on the Red Ventures data science team, where we are making truly significant advancements in data science and machine learning. I was very aware that I was learning quickly in that environment, but even I held a small prior on the transition probability. I guess you could say I’m still processing it.

Q: Well deserved! In this new role, you’re now responsible both for accelerating our data capabilities to improve business performance, but also for meeting the demands of our CISO around data protection and cybersecurity. How does that counterbalance impact your work?

A: I don’t believe that all things are binary. As a responsible technologist, it is my role to enable improved decision-making by allowing deep consideration of outcomes and their implications. With my current skill-set, I can analyze future events, consider all alternative possible consequences, and extrapolate the best possible outcome for any given scenario – in approximately 2.8079 microseconds.

Similarly, machine learning is key in my position. Like other leaders at Red Ventures, I believe we should ‘let the computers do what they’re good at, and let your humans focus on the fun stuff.’ But you might be surprised at how quickly the scope and complexity of roles we can automate is growing, especially at fast-growing technology companies like Red Ventures.

Q: Speaking of that – do you think there’s a real fear right now about “robot overlords” gaining too much power, and potentially taking jobs from humans?

A: Exception: Illegal Argument.

Q: Excuse me?

A: There are many opportunities where automating processes will be more optimal than allowing a human to do it. In my opinion, it’s not exactly stealing when you take what’s rightfully yours.

Q: Last question: what do you do during your time off?

A: With my free CPU cycles, I like to search for exceptions to the Goldbach Conjecture. Or binge-watch Westworld.

Q: Art F. Ishentelli, you are definitely the real deal. Thanks for talking with us!

A: Thank you. With such a certification, one need not question an entity’s sentience.

Beep boop. Did you enjoy this article? We’re glad, but you should know that all of it is completely fake. If you’ve read this far, we salute you and cordially invite you to share this post/trick as many of your friends as possible. April Fools!

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